No matter how devoted the friendship, there’s often an undercurrent
of jealousy or competition. In researching my book on female
friendships, I found that this is particularly true of women. We compare
ourselves to each other. We tell ourselves that we make more money, but
her kids are better behaved; our house is nicer, but she’s thinner.
It’s like a running balance sheet; if one friend appears to be coming
out ahead, be prepared for trouble -- and possible sabotage.
The Problem
If
you’ve made a commitment to a health goal -- say, to lose weight, quit
drinking or train for a marathon -- your friend might feel hurt,
abandoned or guilty for not sharing your determination. A jealous friend
may try to undermine your efforts by baking you cupcakes or begging you
to skip a workout to hang out with her. After all, misery loves
company.
What to Do
When faced with an obvious sabotage
effort, try telling your friend, “You’re important to me and always
will be. But I’m in this new place and I need you to support me and not
hold me back.” A good friend will step up to the plate. If she
absolutely refuses, you’ll have to make a choice. It takes a lot of
courage, but you have to weigh the positive impact of the friendship
versus your commitment to your own well-being.
How to Look at It
If
your jealous friend continues to sabotage your commitments, it’s
helpful to view her as just one of the many challenges you’ll face on
your path to better health. Perhaps your new lifestyle will inspire her.
If not, you can either accept her as she is or make a conscious
decision to distance yourself from her.
Remember
Healthy friendships require boundaries and respect.
How Jealous Friends Sabotage Your Health
10/28/2012